Family Time

This is a blog of rememberances of mine, put into a non-fiction format.  I hope you enjoy it and please feel free to comment.  I will be adding to this blog each month, or so.  If you have any ideas regarding what should happen next please send me a note.

 

Chapter I

The women hadn’t seen each other in a couple of weeks, which for them was way too long.  They had grown up together, they were best friends and they were sisters.  The ritual was, that when they got together, they would do rock, paper, scissors to see who got to go first with their personal update.  Claire won by crushing Sarah’s scissors with her rock.  This was the third time Claire had won in the last few months and Sarah was sort of pissed this time.  Competition was their way of life growing up in a large family.

“Okay”, said Sarah “what’s going on in your life?”  Claire began telling her sister about her life the last couple of weeks as a wife, mother of two grown children and of course, there was her husband, Jim.   “He will never change, he is just as tight fisted as he always was, and he’s such a jerk.”  Sarah rolled her eyes, and took a deep breath, knowing that she was in for yet another episode of Claire’s’ married life.  For Sarah, it was the same story she had been hearing for years.  It wasn’t that they didn’t have any money, it was just that Jim, Claire’s’ husband, never trusted her with any finances of any kind and consequently, Claire, was the only woman Sarah knew who did not have a checking account, no savings account with her name on it, much less any money for expenses.  Expenses being, personal items, money for lunch, and just cash on hand.  Claire had to use a credit card for everything, and a gas card to fill up her broken down old Chevy. Periodically, her husband would take her card away from her.    Jim was a control freak.   It was sad really, poor Claire, she thought, but, on the other hand Sarah was completely fed up with hearing all the excuses as to why Claire put up with such treatment. 
 
Sarah snapped….  She normally would have let Claire’s explanations and excuses just roll off her back, but there was something about her tone that Sarah just couldn’t tolerate one second more.  “What the hell is the matter with you Claire, are you completely blind to what your life has turned into?”  Sarah knew she should probably stop there, but it just felt so damn good to tell it like it is to her sister.  In her mind, Sarah kept thinking, lighten up girl, you have stepped over that ‘sister boundary’ and now you are slowing falling into the abyss of no return.  When they were little girls, and had an argument, Claire was the one who would say something like, “if you don’t shut up right now, I will never speak to you again.”  On most occasions the threat would work, and Sarah would stop talking.  However, when she was beyond furious she would either keep screaming at Claire or just knock her down.  If that happened she knew she would have hell to pay, but she didn’t care.

Claire never fought fair; it was a known fact in the family of eight kids.  If you had the guts to actually, physically, fight with her, God help you.  We would all sort of gather around and watch a match of pinching, kicking, pulling hair and yanking on ears till finally the victim gave in.  “Stop, stop, stop, please.”  Then Claire would grab their hair and say, ‘Say Uncle 10 times!”  As it turned out, the person on the losing end of Claire’s’ tirade would try to say it 10 times but invariably lose track of the numbers and would have to start all over again.  It wasn’t pretty.

On the other hand when it came to her sister Sarah, it was a different, even more traumatic punishment from Claire, and it went like this: 
     “Sarah, I am never going to speak to you again.”  Sarah would just stare at her    sister and say something like ‘Sure, Claire, you’re stupid!’  Not smart.  The longest the silence lasted was 2 weeks, and the only reason Claire finally broke the silence was because she had the chicken pox.
 
One day Sarah came home from a neighbor’s house and there was Claire, …..in bed…..spots all over her. Their mother was sitting on the side of the bed, taking Claire’s temperature.  The mother turned as Sarah came into the room and said, “Oh Sarah honey, I think Claire might have caught the chicken pox from you." Sarah had done her time with the illness, a week before.  Her mother didn’t say it like Sarah did it on purpose, just very matter of fact.
 
Sarah very slowly approached the bed, “Oh Claire, it is itchy?”  Then Claire went on and on about how the disease was affecting her every bodily function, declaring that she was probably paralyzed and how she couldn't feel her feet or hands and how awful she felt and that she just couldn’t stand the itching.  After a while Sarah walked away with just the tiniest smirk in the corner of her mouth.

Chapter 2

 Claire just stared at her sister in disbelief.  How could Sarah say those things to her, she was furious and felt the emotions rise, and a slight sting of tears, but refused to give Sarah the satisfaction .  “Sarah, you have never understood me and my problems with Jim”.  “It’s not like I can leave the guy.”  What would I do, where would I go?  I’m terrible with money, and I hate dealing with it, paying bills, saving for groceries, it sucks!”  Claire thought that there was no way Sarah was terrible with money, because Sarah never had any money, but, she kept her mouth shut.

Here we go, thought Sarah, Jesus Christ not again.  Tears will follow, I’ll fold like a fool and give into her misery.  Then, she thought about an experience Claire had when she was in her twenties.  Maybe if she reminded her of the story, her sister might realize how long she had been in this mess and consequences of her stupidity with money.
 
It was around Christmas, 1980 , Claire, Sarah and their husbands, plus the rest of their brothers and sisters, had planned a family reunion.  This would be the first time all of them had been together since their mother had died suddenly a year earlier.  Sarah was excited about the get together, but also nervous about it.  A part of the festivities included a drawing of names for some of their mothers' more expensive possessions.  Jewelry, fine china, sterling flatware and serving dishes along with some of the art work their mother had painted herself, or friends had given her.  This would be a bittersweet gathering for sure and Sarah wasn't looking forward to the bitter part.  Sweet she could handle, bitter, not so much.  Some members of the family had made their wishes known to the others as to what they wanted.  However, they had all agreed that those items should be up for grabs just like everything else.  It was basically a crap shoot.  Sarah was nervous about that part of the whole affair.  The items were not separated into types so consequently jewelry which included costume and expensive, flatware, serving items, and art work were all thrown in with all the cheaper stuff, like books, blankets, dolls, cologne, and lots and lots of musty old photo albums.  This way of dealing with so much stuff would turn out to be the dividing wedge in the family for many, many years.
 Chapter 3

Out Of The Mouths of Babes

Violet and David walking to the park.

"Violet, I sure am glad you were born."

"I'm glad you were born too, Dad.  In fact, I think I will call Matati and thank her for having you, so that then, you could have me."  June/2013


Me to the Grandchildren while on a vacation with them

"Hey guys, I just wanted to thank you both for being so cooperative and helpful during this vacation"

Violet:
"Yeah, we do make a pretty good team." 

Lost Pines Resort Vacation

This was an email I sent to David and Amy after our trip with our grandchildren, Archer and Violet.

William and I were talking about the kids and what a good time we had with them.  The pics are ok, but the experiences we shared were priceless.  Archer was the most fun I have ever had with him.  We just clicked.  One night, it was kinda late and we were all pretty tired lying in bed and Violet started singing this little tune she made up about "why is he a bad boy..."  or something like that.  Well, it was endless and finally I told her she would have to stop singing so we could all go to sleep.  .......all was quiet and then, off she went several more times and Archer and I got the giggles real bad.  Couldn't stop .....so fun.  He slept with me and Violet with Granpaw.  Sometimes she likes to treat him like a little baby.  That night, scratching his back and saying very softly..."go to sleep now, go to sleep....."  crazy, but sweet.

As we all know, both children are quite sure of themselves and have that glow about them.  Archers' way of showing it is to make up his mind and do his own thing and sometimes you just have to let him, within reason.  It seems to work well with him.  If you look closely at the pic of Granpaw and Violet with the Alpacas you might see Archer up on the stairwell of the hotel looking down.  He was very sure he didn't want anything to do with some crazy looking Alpacas or the Hummingbird Garden.  So he and Granpaw went bike riding all over the property and down by the golf course there.

Violet as usual made friends everywhere she went, in the pool, in the restaurant, at the movies, even the elevators.  When she left her yellow chickie in the restaurant, she was so worried about her.  We raced back down to the restaurant and she went up to our waitress and asked if she had seen her and that she just knew Chickie was very upset.  The waitress. with a wink to me,  said that she saw something yellow over by the cash register, Violet and Archer ran over there and the reunion was so sweet.  Violet asking Chickie if she was okay.....etc.   all of the folks there loved it.  and of course Pete went to every meal with us.  At one point I was telling the kids how proud I was of them for being so cooperative and Violet piped up and said, "yeah, we do make a pretty good team."

It was like that our whole stay, so fun playing with them in the pool too.  We had chairs in the water and Violet would pull us along. Archer wasn't too interested in the water slide and it was really high, I wouldn't do it either.  He spent a lot of time playing volleyball with people in the pool and riding down the "Crooked River" either in a tube or just floating along, with some other boys his age.  He could stand the whole way so a person could just ride all over the place.  Very beautiful.

So I think we have finally figured out our annual trip with the kids, Lost Pines.  We also felt time wise, it was just enough for everyone, plus not too far from home.

A great trip with our wonderful grandchildren, thank you both for letting us have them with us.

Love,

Matati (although after watching Lion King 1 1/2, they were calling me Matata.)

Remember your sisters

I met with my younger sister, a couple of days ago, and after we had spent the day together,we came up with some really good ideas for our book we had decided to write.  It was an exciting time for me since I could definitely see my characters and how they might act.   

I can fall back on my history with my sisters as young children and then as grown women. Some of them moved away, some came back to our home town.  This made for some interesting relationships with each one.  I was closer to some, not so close with others.

This kind of back and forth, ebb and flow, with them  as we grew up was very interesting.  The "book" begins with two characters, sisters, and after writing a couple of pages as an introduction, I recalled something I had read last year that brought it all together for me.  And hopefully will make me a better writer.

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her mother. As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter..

'Don't forget your sisters,' she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. 'They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need sisters. Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them..'

'Remember that 'sisters' means ALL the women... your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other women relatives too. 'You'll need other women. Women always do.'

What a funny piece of advice!' the young woman thought. Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'

But she listened to her mother. She kept contact with her sisters and made more women friends each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her mother really knew what she was talking about. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, sisters are the mainstays of her life...

Trip for Thanksgiving

The day before Thanksgiving, we were off to the river house for some time with the family and so happy everyone was able to come.  One of the best parts was that David and Aubrey were going to be in charge of the whole dinner.  All I had to do was enjoy spending the day playing with my grandchildren.

This was the first time in 46 years, I had not baked a turkey and all the trimmings on this special day.  Consequently, packing up for the trip was relatively easy since I didn't have bags and bags of groceries.  William and Sadie and I got underway around noon.  It was a beautiful day and the landscape was fully fall-wrapped, so pretty.  Sadie is a great little traveler and loves to go in the car.  She sits quietly on my lap the whole time.

As we drove through Fredricksburg, the Christmas decorations were out and as usual, the sidewalks were brimming with shoppers.  A very festive atmosphere.  We were happy and excited as we got to our shortcut outside of Harper.  FM 473 is eight miles long and runs into Interstate 10.

The closer we got to the river house the more nervous I got that I had forgotten something and I had been mentally listing all the items
I should have packed.

By the time we made the turn onto 473, I had worked myself up to a full blown frenzy in my head, thinking about what I had neglected to pack. Then, it occurred to me that William was driving way too fast for this stretch of road.  Not only is it very curvy, but it goes up hills and down hills, lots of hills.  I told him he needed to slow down and for a while he did.  Here came the hills, up.....down......up.....down.  I began to get mad that he was not slowing down and I was feeling a little queasy.  About that time as I was holding Sadie, I felt her stomach lurch,... wait,.. what...yes, it was definitely moving.  Uh oh,,,,,,,oh no.....at about the third hill, all of a sudden she started getting sick.  Not a little bit.  An incredible amount, all over me, all in my seat, in my purse, all over my books and magazines.  At that point, I completely lost it.  My sister calls it a "psychic break", I call it completely, out of control, crazy.  "Pull over, pull over, pull over damn it!"  God, I was so mad and upset and sick and holding Sadie and.... it was awful.

'Idiots delight' finally pulled over.  "Is this a good place?" he said.  Jesus Christ....   I bailed out of the car in hysterics, crying, furious, crying uncontrollably.   I could not get it together and this 18-Wheeler dude who had pulled over for a lunch break saw the whole thing unfold, literally.  I'm not sure, but I think he was laughing, well, I know he had a big fat smile on his face. After about 30 minutes since the total breakdown, I cleaned myself and Sadie up. And my purse and my shoes, (yes, in my shoes). William cleaned up my seat and the floor.  Thank god he kept his mouth shut.  Then, we got on I-10, and headed west.  

About an hour later, William says, 'you okay?'.  "Yes, I'm okay".  As we headed for the river house I added one more item to my list of things I had forgotten.... a doggie bag and one of those stun gun thingies.

Shakeup at Shoalwood

No, not what you think, no, I'm not leaving the boy after what....45 years.  No the shakeup has to do with this home of 30 plus years getting a face lift.  It has been such an experience for us to see "this old house" start to
look less like the Clampets live here and more like some real nice older folks do.

The entire process took about 2 weeks of very loud pounding and sawing and more pounding.  I now know why some
people leave on vacation while their home is being renovated. But, we stayed through it all and glad we did.  Mainly because there was usually some questions that needed answers fairly quickly.

"Matati"

I have been a Grandmother for over 3 years and I can't say it gets any easier. Don't get me wrong, I love my role as the grandmother who is called "Matati". It is just that when it comes to the discipline aspect of my role, lately, I have hit a brick wall...... hard.

My grandson, Archer, is 3 years old and truly such a joy in our lives. However, lately he is a handful! Very independent and that is fine, but also very argumentative and stubborn and that is not fine when the grandparents are exhausted.

I have yet to send him to 'time-out', but I came very close a couple of days ago. When my children were young and would act similarly, there was no 'time-out', just a swat on the butt and sent to their room. Archers' parents use the time-out method.

To give you some idea of how trying it was, this was the scenario: It is 9:00 p.m. on Friday night. Archer's bath has been ready for about 30 minutes and is getting colder by the minute. Archer is playing with his remote controlled tractor and keeps running into the dog. The dog is being extremely patient, mainly because she is a Golden Retriever who is used to these shenanigans, but also because her arthritis is so bad, she will only get up if she absolutely must. After several verbal commands to stop, from me and from Grampaw, Archer is totally ignoring us, and I am ready to take the toy away and prepare myself for the screaming fit. Then out of the blue, he says: "It is my toy, all mine, and I can do whatever I want with it!"

Hmmmm....really. This is not the Archer we have known. This child is some sort of alien in our house. I take the tractor away, and the remote control device and yes, the screaming begins. I go into the bathroom and close the door. Just me, and a tub of lukewarm water. The urge to get in and put my head underwater so I won't hear Archer is strong, but I just sit there, on the edge, literally, almost in tears. Yikes.

Then I hear this little voice on the other side of the door, "Matati, I need to come in and take my bath." I open the door, he struts in, takes his clothes off, gets in the tub and begins playing with his bath toys. It was like nothing ever happened, like we had just survived some sort of time warp. Amazing. Incredible. Almost scary.